The grasses on the roof turning their Fall colors
I am basking in the early evening light of this beautiful October day. The mosquitos are gorging on my blood. There is so much to do and I can't figure out what the hell I want, except that I want very much to be right here right now, on my beautiful roof taking in the cool air, and I want these fucking mosquitos to leave me alone. Well you can't have everything.
I am not so far away from a conversation with my aunt Debbi. She is here from Haifa, roaming Central Park with cousin Neri, but there is no talk of meeting up. It would be too complicated to confess such a meeting to her family, my dad's side of the family: not my family, they keep pressing the point. So that's that and in fact nothing has changed. But in the end it's Debbi's choice not to see me, and well ok I'm not dying to run out to Times Square to meet them right now either. Hope they enjoy Spamalot and hope that I can move on more and more quickly through this stinking pit in my heart/mind that is my father and his world. Not my world, I keep pressing the point. Who cares about his four houses and young girlfriend, I don't care enough to even complain about the aunts, and the grandparents... well, if they are looking for some kind of peace then they certainly aren't making it easy for themselves.
I, however, do want to make finding peace easier for myself, and so I have entered into serious training. Training is rigorous and involves significant leaps of the mind in those moments in which the mind would most like to stay perched on a high branch with a view like potato chips: addictive, comforting and lacking in nutritional value. In fact it seems clearer than ever that finding peace for myself and sharing what little bits I may find with those around me who are open to receiving is the only worthwhile endeavor I have ever embarked on. Learning how to receive those bits of peace from others is a big lesson I love to learn. It's time for another SWAN Flight discussion, no?
The tomatos are still going strong!
